Let me first start off by saying that my son and his girfriend and 2 other girls skipped school over a month ago. Got caught went to court, went to juvie one night and had to sign no contact orders saying they would have no contact with each other for a month. They have another court date this Wen. the 26th.
Ok my son texts me form school Friday and said he is going to go find his girlfriends dad and kill him. Proceeds to tell me that her dad beat her the night before. Threw her against the wall and choked her, and threw the dining room table at her. He had told me before that her dad had been abusive and that she had reported him and nothing cane of it. Several years ago he was in jail for domestic violence.
My son ask if she could come over after school because she was afraid to go home. I let her come over, so she could to the hosptial get her injuries looked added and reported. When she got here all I could see was I guess a puffy lip. It wasn's busted or anything. And she said she had bruises on her legs. She did not want to go to the hospital or the cops afraid they wouldn't do anything and send her back home with him. So we called a safe shelter but they couldn't do anything because she is only 17.
So this situation of trying to help this girl is turning into a nightmare because she doesn't want to do anything about and just wants to "hang out" at my house. I was basically helping a runaway or something like that. Someone told me it could even be considered kidnapping becasue she is underage.My husband and I were so torn with what to do. We have 3 other younger kids at home and we couldn't put our own family in jeopardy. But we didn't want her to have to go back to her dad, but we couldn't keep her but we also didn't want to push her to report it because she was terrified. So we told her she could stay one night so she could think about what she wanted to do. But we made her call her dad so he would know she was at least OK.
The next morning she still didn't want to do anything. I told her she couldn't stay here any longer without filing a report or something. So she said she would go to another friends house. So my son took her to her friends house, then he didn't return home.
By this time her dad was calling our house threatening to blow my sons brains out. And we had no idea where they were at. We got together with her dad and although the man was really pissed and wanted his daughter he didn't seem like a bad guy.
He said he didn't beat her, she had already been grounded and had been in trouble for awhile then he found some things on her Myspace and confronted her. He told her since grounding isn't doing anything her was going to spank her with a belt. He said he only got her legs because she wouldn't stay still and kept punhing at him and fighting him. He and her stepmom said this did happen last year when he tried to dicipline her and she fought him and had bruises. He said other times they ground and various other things. So we have two sides of the story, we can only hope he was telling the truth.
I finally found them at one of my sons friends house. I did not want her dad to hurt her or us betray her but I didn't know what else to do. Because she was going to try and hang out with people going here and there, with no car and no money and drag my son along. I don't really mean drag, he of course was going willingly and going to do anything for her no matter the consequence.
So my husband and I went with her dad and got them from the friends house. My son has not spoken a word to us since we picked him up. I know he feels we betrayed him. But I feel I have to be a parent first and try and be a friend last.
Should I feel like shit because I hurt him? I am mad because he took off and didn't come back and didn't plan on coming back. But this alone is not the only reasons I have issues with son. They are too numerous to list right now maybe someother time.
Should he get in trouble for this? What ground him? Take away his phone and computer? Or should I just let it ride because he was trying to help her?
If he wasn't with me he wouldn't have shown up for court on Wed. then he would have a bench warrant on him. If he and she did decide to show up they would have already been reported as runaways and would have been taken into custody as soon as they stepped foot in court. Should I have just let this happen and have him deal with the consequences of his own actions?(Again this is not the first by far of things we are going through with him) I think he needs to step up and realize what he is doing? I feel he will never learn anything.
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