In my youngest daughters own words: She is shy, nervous and uncomfortable. She says she only has 1 or 2 friends and can’t initiate making friends. She sits and plays by herself. Says people laugh and make fun of her and move away from her on the bus and won’t sit with her.
For me as her mother this hurts me very much. Being a mother you want to try and fix everything you can. Which of course is not possible. And in actuality you shouldn’t fix everything, kids have got to learn by themselves also. But if there are few things you can help with or makes things a little easier NOW, why not? Because there are only a few short years that you can have any control at all. Which I am slowly learning with my my oldest son(17yo).
My daughter has complained since the beginning of school that she was having problems. We have worked with it to the best of our ability. I know at times it s not too bad. But other times she cries and makes up ever excuse she can think of not to go to school. Also in the last month of school she has been to the school nurse 6 times, for this or that. All little things so she can get out of class or possibly get to come home. Yes I know a lot of kids do this. But her reasons are a little more profound than “I am tired and don’t want to get up this morning.” Or “I have a test I didn’t study for.” She really enjoys learning and especially reading, that is why I believe this is serious enough to consider pulling her out of school. Her apprehensions and the stigmatisms she is experiencing is stronger than her WANT to be at school. Hers isn’t that “I just don’t like school, I’m bored, I wanna play instead of go to school.” She wants to go.
My oldest daughter was the first to mention Home school. It was just a casual “I wanna Home school so I don’t have to get up early.” Of course she was joking. But then my little ones started asking questions. They were all “home schooled” before. But the girls were not “school” aged yet. My son is the only one who officially did it. She ask him if he liked it he said NO. He then went on to say he didn’t like it and doesn’t like school now. Public, private or home he doesn’t give a crap. I feel sorry for my son. He was basically my guinea pig as far as home school goes. We tried a lot of things, did a lot of things, liked things, hated things. Most of the stuff I liked he didn’t. I don’t think he and I ever found a true happy trail. I did learn so much from those years though. I would not give them up because of the good times he and I did have together. I think it prepared us for the harder times we would experience a few years later. Even him being a rebellious teenager and going through some really horrible things, to the point of us wanting to kill each other. But I think if we hadn’t had the foundation we had things could have turned out differently. Now I’m not saying the only way we you can have a good foundation with your children is from home schooling. It was just a good for he and I. Could we do it now? Hell no! For everything there is a season.
Sorry for the ramblings this is suppose to be about my youngest daughter. And that being said the next people I will talk about is my oldest and middle daughters. LOL. Am I saying I want to home school them? No. Would I? Yes if they wanted it. IF I thought there was good reason or if I thought they would benefit in some way. Or if I thought the education they were getting was not sufficient. I do not think any of these things with them. They are both thriving in what they are doing. My middle daughter making all A’s and cheering and the oldest is A’s and B’s and playing basketball. (says the proud Momma). . They both love it. They are both very social, easy to make friends, loves being with people and doing things. Wants to always be with someone, somewhere doing something All these things are why I would NOT home school them. I would be taking things away from them they enjoy and taking experiences away I could never give them. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t want take anything away from the youngest. I want to give her MORE than what she is experiencing now. Help her academically, socially, personally and in every way I can or she will allow. I want her to thrive like her sisters. She may need several months or she may need several years. She may be ready to go back into school next year or in 3 years. Or she may wanna graduate home school then go onto college. Its what is best for her and what she is ready for.
Some parents say you have to do this and you have to do that. i.e. college. I will not do that for any of my kids. Do I want them to go to college and have a career, hell yeah. I know how hard it is otherwise. But I can only tell them what to do for 18 years. She has always loved animals. Instead of playing just fun games on-line she watches animal videos and movies and answers questions about them. All sorts of other animal stuff. For years she has said she wants to work with animals like being a vet. The other day she came to me and said she wants to train Orcas.
Arianna was was held back in Kindergarten for one more year. It was mainly interpersonal, social, and emotional growth reasons; not academics. So at this point she is the oldest kid in her 2nd grade class, since she is suppose to be in 3rd. The problem is she knows this and I believe it interferes with the way she thinks of herself. The thing is that most of the “youngens” are actually more socially and emotionally mature than she is. I see it as a confidence issue. She is super intelligent, but is stifled in a school setting by her fears and disbelief in herself. She has never had to think, talk or do anything for herself. That’s what her older sisters were for. She has always went along for the ride. She has always had someone tell her where to go, what to do, what to say and when to say it. She is not sure of anything about herself except for her love for anything animal, or anything that breathes for that matter. But recently she has started being more assertive and standing up for herself much to the chagrin of her sisters. Even being her parent and being out in public with her. She doesn’t talk or smile or really do anything unless you are at her level speaking directly to her. Don’t have to worry about stranger danger with her. You can’t even get her off your leg. So you can imagine how out of sorts she is around other people. That is one of things that makes me hurt so bad for her. I KNOW the great little girl she is. The heart she has, the love for people and animals, her great smile and laughter. When she is at home she likes playing with her sisters, dressing up and dancing. But most times would rather be alone, or stuck to either myself or her daddy. Whether I am dong laundry or sitting watching a movie or reading with her. Or just pulling a chair up by the computer and watching daddy play his game. But no matter which she does, she is smiling and TALKING, constantly. And there is no one other than the 6 people in our immediate family that even knows she talks like she does. I want her to be able to be comfortable in herself no matter where she is at and who she is with.
SIDE NOTE: It took ME a long time to be able to do this for myself. And I’m still working on it, to this day. But I didn’t realize I had a problem til my husband started saying things and pointing things out. And I realized wow I seriously have issues. But I always thought it was normal. It was to me. But I see so much of me in Ari. A lot of good stuff but other things I don’t want her to have to go through. I believe she is intelligent. I just think she has internal issues to deal with, confidences to find. She is already such a good reader and enjoys it so much. I believe if she could be let go, onto what ever subjects she is interested in and those things nurtured, that other areas of her life that she lacks confidence in would improve. If she can SEE what she can do and realize it for herself, I think that will give her tremendous strength.
Her math I believe needs to be started back at the beginning to give her a better foundation. There is so many pieces she has, but too many missing ones at the same time. I think it would be like looking through grannies old holey underwear. It is only in math that she is lacking in academically. I believe that within a year she can be caught up or surpass the grade that her chronological age corresponds with. I think spending one on one time will help academically but will allow her to grow and find her own voice in other areas as well. She already knows that she can say anything at home she just has to come to understand that she is also allowed to speak her mind outside her home, that she is a viable person with her own opinions and thoughts. Not just what she is suppose to do or think at school, or what her siblings TELL her to say or think. There are some things in public school that is working well for her, that we will not want to change.
She is truly accelerating in accelerated reading. She loves it. I don’t think the quiz’s can be used out of a school setting. But we can find something comparable and have a reward system set up. So she knows and feels she is still accomplishing something with her reading. Other than A/R she enjoys the fun days and holidays. Not really saying much but its something I guess. I remember when I was in school even up through elementary we would get to do all sorts of fun projects and art to decorate for the holidays.(every holiday even Presidents Day) They have not gotten to do any art this year, that I know of or have been told about.
I told myself I wouldn't get on my soapbox about school...but I can't help it.
I don’t think they have enough time anymore in public schools. They are always hurrying to stand in line to hurry to get somewhere to stand in another line and wait. They have to organize everything to accommodate 30 kids a class, not to mention scheduling lunch, PE and library time. The girls said they only get 10 minutes to look for a book in the library. I thought that was a mistake and asked the librarian and she said it was true that there was no more time to “schedule” it. But then they have all these OFF days, Half days here and there, early dismissals, Fall break. How many breaks can u need when your actual “school time” comes out to maybe two and half instructional hours a day? There is so much lost time there. So if there is all this time, why can they NOT take the time to make sure everyone in each class understands what’s being taught. You either get it or u don’t, it doesn’t matter they have to go on to the next thing because they don’t have time. They have to make sure everything is “taught” so they can take the test on Friday. On the national average 67% of graduating high school students have to go back and take remedial math and English courses in college before they are ready to take college level courses. So what is the point of hurrying and getting this stuff done when it all has to be done over again?
ANNNDDDD....... Here it comes the BIG question of “Do home school kids get enough socialization?” Well duh! Sometimes too much if you allow it. There are great home school groups out there to pick and choose from. Some do as little as nothing, as opposed to some doing more than 4 public schools could do put together. Yes everything from clubs, dances, fieldtrips, sports and more.
In our situation we want the socialization there but at Ari’s pace, as she wants. But I am believing that as she gets more comfortable she will come out of her shell so to speak and flourish just like any child her age.
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